Letter from Jenn
Written by David Barth in 1977
Dear Marie,
I sure did enjoy visiting with you at our 25th class reunion. It was really great that we could go to lunch, just the two of us, to talk about what has happened
in our lives since we graduated from good 'ole Hamilton High.
I'll always remember our cheer leading days with fondness. It was exciting to do our stuff in our cute little outfits at the games. I guess we did look pretty
great then. Unfortunately, time does bad things to our bodies. You really look fantastic, though how do you do it?
We have a lot in common since we both have married, raised kids, and are now divorced. I guess I'm more sad than mad about Jim leaving me. But I'm
furious with that young little slut he left me for. I hope she catches a deadly disease and dies.
Why is it that men never seem to be content with life? I mean, we have to work and slave to keep a house going all our lives, whether we work outside the
home or not, and our couch potato husbands watch football, basketball, and other junk on TV, then up and bail out on us!
I guess this is how our conversation ended when we parted in Springfield. Looking back, life seems to be unfair at times. Thank goodness, I've still got the
kids. They are really my life, and after they came along, they were my life. I lived for them. I mean, I loved Jim. After all, he was their father. But he could take
care of himself if he had to. The kids had to be nurtured and guided through childhood, and that was a hard job for me, but the most rewarding in my life. Thank
God, I'll always have the kids.
Whenever we talk about men, the subject of sex always seems to come up. I guess its because men think its so important. It really isn't. I mean, to have
kids, you have to do it, of course, and it was nice to make love to Jim, but not as often as he wanted. It was a constant battle to keep him from pawing me. Don't
get me wrong, I needed love too, but once a month is enough for anyone except someone who thinks about sex too much. And Jim seemed to have a one track
mind about it.
As time went by, my poor old bod lost its high school shape, and I was embarrassed for Jim to look at me when I was naked. All the fat, stretch marks,
sags, wrinkles, and splotches made me look like a grotesque side show exhibit, and I hated my body. I guess I didn't want Jim to touch that ugly body, and
I pushed him away, many times. He just couldn't understand.
Men just really don't understand very much, do they? They are thick-skulled in a lot of ways. It used to make me mad when I'd see him looking at another
woman, especially if she were younger or prettier than me. I know he had one thing on his mind, and he was probably mentally undressing her right there in
broad daylight!
When we first began dating boys in high school, it was new and exciting. But guys were funny. Some just couldn't take a hint. You know, you give
one of them the "green light" and he never asks you out. You know he likes you, but he just doesn't get the message. Then another guy who begs to date
you, you give him the "stop signals" and he doesn't get the idea. Guys are so stupid sometimes. And growing up doesn't seem to improve them a whole lot.
We talked a lot about what our high school dreams were and how they contrast with what really happened to us. I wanted to be swept off my feet by a
handsome, caring, loving (I don't mean sex exactly, just that he really loved me a lot and showed it), strong man. I wanted to start a family and have cute,
handsome kids. I wanted him to be very successful and earn a lot of money so that we could raise the kids comfortably.
And I don't mean a weight lifter when I say "strong." I wanted someone who would protect me and take care of me and the kids. That's what I mean
by "strong."
I wanted to live happily ever after, with the family always close, and eventually to have grand kids to visit us. Oh, what a life I dreamed of! Just like in
the movies. But it wasn't to be. I guess it never is the way you expect (or hope) it will be. I mean, our kids are great. Not perfect, but they are the best
thing in my life. Without them, I don't know what I'd do. I guess I'd have to adopt a pet.
If I had to list the best things in my life, the kids would certainly come first. Then, I guess Jim would be up there, somewhere. And money. If I could
just have more money, life would be a heck of a lot easier, especially with Jim gone.
Back to men. (Why is it we talk about them so much, especially when they can be such rats!) But men can be nice, too. Some men, that is. But,
Marie, you asked what I liked in men. Well, men think that being a macho man with lots of muscles turns us on, but it is really other things. I like a cute
tusche, of course, not too big. Shoulders not too narrow, not too wide are OK, and I like a guy to be taller than I am. That's about it for physical requirements.
But its the guy's attitude that is most important. He has to care. Why is it that men forget birthdays, anniversaries, and other dates that are so
important? It's as if they just don't care! I finally had to make sure that I gave Jim subtle hints about my birthday and our anniversary. You know, just a
comment or something, otherwise, he'd forget, like it wasn't a big deal or something!
I just don't know why guys don't think these things are important. Even in my office, the girls are always buying cards and bringing in cakes for people's
birthdays. The guys just cruise along as if they expect us to do it. Don't get me wrong, we like to do it, but it would be nicer if guys would share the work
sometimes.
Something that always has puzzled me about men is their love of danger. It seems like they don't think twice about things that could hurt them. I mean, Jim
used to get so mad at me when I'd be driving the car, making a right turn onto a road that had a continuous turn lane, and I'd stop and wait for the traffic to clear in
the next lane before going. He'd say to me, "Why don't you accelerate in the continuous turn lane and then merge into the next lane instead of just stopping and
waiting?"
Jim's idea was to make the right turn and actually accelerate in the lane and then merge into the traffic before the turn lane ended. My thought was, "What
if the turn lane ends before you have a chance to merge in with the traffic? You could crash into something at the end of the lane and get killed!" Or what if
someone needed to turn into your lane, and there you'd be, accelerating like a fool with someone crashing into you. I just gave up trying to explain to him what
danger was all about.
I mean, what if I got killed? The kids have grown up and left home, now, but back when they were at home, if I'd been killed in a wreck, they'd be orphans.
The kids needed me a lot. (And I hope they still need me, at least a little).
A different kind of danger that Jim liked was the kind that would embarrass me to death if we were ever caught. First of all, if one of the kids was sick, I
couldn't have sex with him because if the child needed me in the night, I'd have to be ready to jump up and help. And how could I do it with Jim when I was
worrying about the sick kid?
Jim always wanted to do it in public. Well, almost, anyway. He wanted to do it in the woods when we took walks, in the back yard at night, even on an
airplane on a long flight at night when almost everyone else was asleep. I could imagine a stewardess coming along while we were making it under the blanket
and asking if we wanted anything to drink. Why this interested Jim, I'll never know.
Also, Jim often wanted to do it in different positions. I let him, sometimes, but it didn't feel very comfortable, so I tried to discourage him.
A big issue with Jim was sex. I guess you can't get away from it. Men have one-track minds. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed giving myself to Jim to show
my love for him once in awhile, but twice a week was too much to ask. I just didn't like having to take a bath again the next morning after taking one the night
before, and I knew if I didn't bathe, everyone in the office would know I'd done it the night before, and I'd smell like a whore.
When you get down to it, it seems like we women are interested in the important things, like kids, and all that men think of is sex. That really isn't true
because Jim was a good father, but there is a lot of truth to it.
Another thing that bothered me was Jim's attitude about his clothes. He didn't like to shop for clothes, and he hated having to try them on. Sometimes I
thought he would have actually bought a pair of pants without trying them on, just on the basis of the size on the tag. Besides, trying on new clothes is really
fun. I guess Jim just didn't understand.
Don't get me wrong about me finding men attractive. I do. It's just that I couldn't get excited about going to bed with anyone else but Jim after we got married.
I mean, there wouldn't be any sense to it, would there? That is why I think a lot of men (including Jim) are mixed up about women. I don't think he would have
had to think very long about hopping into bed with some cutie if he were given the chance. This is definitely a problem that men have.
But I do fantasize about men - some men, but I never went out behind Jim's back. I think about Don Johnson and Tom Sellick. Maybe its because I know
them so well. I mean, I see them every week on TV, so I have gotten to know them, and I need to know a man real well before I could do it with him. But I wouldn't
really do it if given the chance. It is just fun to think about them flying me to their villa in a Lear jet and spending a wonderful week, going to the poshest restaurants
in a beautiful dress with the handsomest man.
Well, Marie, I guess this pretty much gives you some of my ideas. I enjoyed your letter telling me about yours. Remember, let's keep this secret, don't want
people to really know how I feel.
Yours, Jennifer